I am in pain. It's been a constant, steady ache all week because last Monday my uncle passed away. He wasn't some distant uncle that meant nothing to me. He was my mother's baby brother. He was the reliable brother I never had. He was the sweet guy who'd bring me presents randomly. He'd show such a sweet side of himself sometimes. But he was a sour man too. He wasn't all sweet. He could be the rudest, bluntest person ever. I'd always take his hat and tell him to come and get me, and he'd grunt and tell me that he was going to punch me and pretend to hit me, but when I didn't give it up he'd be all I can't hit a girl. I'd give it back to him at that point cuz I didn't want to tease him too much. He was big man, and he was a great guy.
I miss him. I really miss him. He's not here. I have to live on without him. I don't think I can do it. I'm not going to kill myself. No, I've got other shit to do before I croak, but I'll never be the same. There were so many things I hadn't told him! God, he didn't know I am bisexual. He didn't know that I had a favorite number, and I never told him how much I loved him. I always thought I didn't need to because he was right there, and I'd find time to do it later. But later never fucking came! I was with him all day on Sunday and Monday comes and he's dead, and what the fuck? Seriously? What the fuck?! He was young, twenty eight, full of life and purpose, and he just died. I need him, and he's not here. I him to call me shithead. I took for granted the moments we had together, because I can't remeber him well. I'd always just been like, "Oh there's him, jackass. Always teasing me." And even though I'd think that I'd also think, "I want to marry someone as sweet and thoughtful as him." He knew so much about me and I knew so little about him. I feel like a failure of a niece. Oh my god, I miss him.
Listening to: One Of My Spotify Playlists